I left the Corporate world in 2019 and set on adventure to share my writing with the world. My own life is one full of trials and tribulations. From a place of abuse, single parenting, toxic relationships, narcissism, toxic workplace with a fight for human rights, as well as mental health issues with suicidal thoughts. As a teenager I attempted, only to have survived. Triggered again later in life. I was a walking zombie without a sense of value. I suffered greatly dealing with depression, anxiety and PTSD. Simply put. I did not want to be alive. I fought for this life, and looked everywhere for the help I knew I needed. The journey was fierce, the days were torture, but I collected all the tools I could to help me find my way. From a hopeless pit of despair, I came to a point where one day I was on the floor in a fit of crying. Nothing seemed to be working in me or for me. I knew better than this at one time and truly could not understand what had become of me. I had nothing in me and wanted to die. I wanted to act on all the horrendous thoughts of how to leave this planet.
This was a moment of great transformation.
At this time of great pain, I was full of horrible guilt and shame. I just did not have any love in me. Life to me was one big disappointment. I was use to being told I was was worthless and it became what I believed to be true. Then I thought of God…so I spoke to him. I had a conversation with God and basically told him that he could take it all back. I had acknowledged and accepted, but had yet to forgive.
I decided on the floor I didn’t want it anymore. I further told Him that I loved and believed in Him. That I needed Him. I couldn’t do it alone, and if he’d just carry me for awhile… I was tired and I recalled the image of “Footprints in the sand”
After this moment, I had a calmness come over me as I thought of crying in my creator’s lap and the feeling of some love within me, like a switch was flicked. It began to move in me for the want to live…..this was my moment of hope…the motivator. After this, things began to slowly get better. I’m here to tell you, there is hope and recovery. 🌷Healing doesn’t make it better, it makes everything after better.
When I thought of what to do next, I pretty much knew I wanted to write, for it was a passion I had and usually in the form of poetry. Since I was a young child and discovered the pen.. this was something I did. I wrote in trances at times, and with a pen and paper…the thoughts were faster than I could write. Scribbled notes and pieces of papers accumulated for years, and I locked them away in my special box of “me”. I was then thinking of sharing these pieces and wondering where the heck I could do this. Linkedin became the place that I would target. Here I saw many people with their hearts in need…life was tough, and I had words to help and a story to support it. The voice in my head was loud and clear….”It was time to share.”..So here I am, one year later, many followers, and a brand bestowed upon me by the people who believed in me. ….as the Word Jedi Poetess with the Golden Word Guns.
#PaulaG Inspirations and Soulful Poetry 